Well this has been a long time coming. I’ve picked up a notepad this past year and started actually journaling which I guess ended up replacing blogging although I do love connecting with so many of you especially when people reach out and say they can relate.
This past year has been a rollercoaster in so many different ways. I feel like just as we are making the way to the top of the ride another hill comes and it’s a fast ride down again.
It’s been tough to say the least, Harlow’s health has been decent with some scary moments and clumsy episodes which has made us regulars in the local emergency room. We are now just awaiting an OR for her port to be removed for all of this cancer life crap to be done and over with. Hallelujah!!!!! Never thought the end would come with this whole nightmare and it’s fairly surreal to not have to give any meds every night and for her to be going to school full time like a typically normal child. She hates it just in case you were wondering, cries every morning before drop off so that’s been super fun, NOT!
She’s never lost her zest for life or stubborn personality through all of this and if anything her attitude has just grown to be as big as her. She keeps me extremely busy, entertained and laughing, life with her is never dull. Dealing with all the anxiety, PTSD, emotions and flashbacks have been even more overwhelming for me. I thought after she was done treatment I’d be able to close that chapter and move on but unfortunately some of the days are dark, terribly hard and emotionally draining to say the least. I have a great support system in my life however you just don’t understand or relate unless you’ve been and walk in the same shoes which makes it hard to communicate how I actually feel and to know if my feelings are valid and “normal”. I know I’m not “normal” so guess I’m okay with being a bit off mentally from all of this.
On another note.
Let’s talk about online dating…. What a flipping nightmare, the amount of wack jobs or perverts out there is actually surprising. The constant propositions from married couples, the dick pics (yup I said it), the lack of respect people have for others or for themselves is really sad and actually discouraging. Trying to find someone that actually has their shit together and isn’t a complete lunatic is hard. I’ve got some seriously bad dating stories some that are laughable other that make you a little worried or concerned, but it all has been such an eye opener for me. I don’t need or want just anyone and I’ve learned that through all of this. I don’t want just company cause I got a dog to fill that void. I want to find someone that adds something to my life, someone that won’t leave when it gets hard and when it seems impossible to stay, someone that has morals and values and respects them self and others. So if you know anyone that fits that description feel free to pass along my number. (Just kidding, kinda)
With Christmas fast approaching and the new year around the corner I wanted to make sure to wish you all a very merry Christmas and happy new year from both myself and Harlow. We appreciate all of you that have checked in on us and have continually reached out and followed along on our crazy life.
Some photos of our year.
XO JENNA & HARLOW